The Question No One Is Asking Before They Hire

"There's no doubt there's a need for it. The question is — is there a want?"

I was on a call this week with a longtime athletic director (now associate conference commissioner) who has spent his career navigating the complex world of collegiate athletics. He was being generous with his time, thinking through whether the Executive Thought Partner model could work inside his conference of small, faith-based institutions.

And in the middle of that conversation, he said something that I haven’t been able to stop thinking about.

There’s a need. But is there a want?

The Distinction That Changes Everything

In leadership, we’re trained to solve for need. We assess gaps, identify pain points, build strategic plans around what’s missing. But he named something else: there is a profound difference between what an organization needs and what it’s willing to pursue.

He was describing schools where 60–80% of the student body are athletes, where athletics exists primarily as an enrollment driver, where administrators are doing their jobs just to keep the lights on. Where the budget conversation is about a $20 increase in volleyball officiating fees, not about investing in leadership development.

The need is obvious. The want? That’s a different negotiation entirely.

And I think this dynamic plays out far beyond athletics. It lives in every university, every nonprofit, every executive team where the urgency of day-to-day operations has crowded out the space for any kind of meaningful development or reflection.

What Happens When Need Goes Unmet — From the Inside

He made another observation that hit differently.

He talked about the new athletic directors coming into his league — four of them this year alone. Experienced people. But, as he put it, “not prepared for everything in the AD role.”

He said: “I just think back — could I have benefited from somebody like you? Yeah. You’re part therapist, part guidance counselor.”

That’s not a knock. That’s an honest description of what senior leaders actually need when they step into positions that carry enormous complexity, limited roadmaps, and constant external pressure.

And here’s the thing: most of them won’t ask for it. Not because they don’t feel the need. But because asking feels like admitting you don’t have it together. Like if you need someone to think with, you’re somehow less capable than the role requires.

I know this personally. When I was reporting directly to a president, I walked out of a meeting one afternoon and realized: I can’t call my best friend. I can’t call my mentor. There’s no one I can talk to who’s in this world but isn’t inside this situation.

So I sat with it for 24 hours. And what I’ve learned since then is that 24 hours of unsupported rumination can completely warp your read on a situation that isn’t even that complicated. The perception shifts because there was no one to help you differentiate emotion from logic.

That’s the cost of not closing the gap between need and want.

Closing the Gap — The 30-Day Principle

He offered something practical in our conversation: “Let’s be honest. It’s a new venture. You’re just trying to get your name out. Maybe a month free helps — just to get in front of folks.”

He was right. Proof of concept matters. Not just for the leader or organization deciding whether to engage — but for the person offering something new.

The 30-day principle isn’t about discounting the value. It’s about lowering the barrier to want just enough that the need can be felt. When someone actually experiences what it’s like to have a confidential thinking space — a real one, not a check-in or a coaching session — the question of want tends to answer itself.

But that only works if the space is real. If it’s not a TED talk. If it’s not a presentation. If it’s a conversation where someone can say, “I’m about to bang my head against this wall for the 38th time today — tell me I’m shouldn’t and why.”

What Leaders Actually Need (And Rarely Want to Admit)

The gap between need and want isn’t a sales problem. It’s a culture problem. We have built professional cultures; in higher education, in athletics, in nonprofits, in corporate — where the ask for support reads as a signal of inadequacy rather than a mark of self-awareness.

And yet the leaders who close that gap and build in regular structured space to think, to question, to separate themselves from the noise, are the ones who make decisions faster, lead with more clarity, and stay longer in the roles that matter.

The question he asked isn’t just a business question. It’s a leadership question.

Not do you need this?

But are you willing to want it?

Dan Freeman is The Executive Thought Partner — a confidential thinking space for senior leaders in higher education, athletics, and nonprofit. If this piece resonated, subscribe for more or reach out directly.